Wednesday, February 23, 2011

The Memoirs of Grasshopper


Old Chen: ‘Oh no, Master Dragonfly, you told me to watch out for my health 注意身体 but you should elaborate further......’

Master: ‘Oh, what happened?’(Master Dragonfly to himself: I sure hate this last name my master gave me; I had hinted obviously about Hexagram 1 Flying Dragons from the Yi Jing to Master on his deathbed to change it from Housefly)

Old Chen: ‘I had been very careful on my diet and I did some horse riding to exercise for my health but my favourite pony went berserk and threw me off, accidentally breaking my right leg.’

Master: ‘Tsk, tsk. Too bad to hear about it, anyway, Man proposes, Heaven disposes. Heaven’s secret sometime cannot be disclosed too obviously....’ (Yeah, if I tell you too clearly, you won’t be back here today)

Old Chen: ‘My apology for that day when I first came as I was in a hurry to meet Blue Peony at the Tea house to stay on to discuss further and had only bought tokens of humble gifts as my sincerity. (Old Chen to himself: That incident is an bad omen; I better let him know I can afford to pay him more if he gives me better advice)

Master: ‘No, Not at all, not at all, sincerity is what it counts that matters, let me further seek an Yi Jing oracle to see what we can do about it. (Sure, but it is an insult giving me sweet potatoes which I have in my garden and pig meat leftovers from the butcher)

Old Chen: ‘Well, I hope this time that you can give me some clearer advices on what to do about my house feng shui which you said is not in accordance with Heaven’s Will. Money is not a problem.’

Master: ‘Oh Master Chen, for this I will need to have to do some time consuming concentration and adjustments which unfortunately is a problem for I have been thinking of revisiting my hometown as I have not seen my parents for years but the thought of the travelling expenses and gifts is very distracting.’ (Now let’s see how sincere you are)

Old Chen: ‘Don’t worry about that, I can sponsor you with five hundred taels of silver as long as you can make sure my family’s fortune are safe and prosperous.’

Master: ‘Oh that would be so gracious of you though it is still a bit of short of what I need. Well, anyway, let me do what I can best to protect your family fortune,’

After Old Chen have left,

Grasshopper: ‘Master, I do not understand on the changes you ask Old Chen to do.’

Master: ‘What do you mean?’

Grasshopper: ‘This is a Reverse Dragon Formation, why did you have to ask him to build a garden and pond at the back of the House and to shift the dug soil to the back of the house. Won’t this give you more work as you have to pick a date and conduct a ritual for him to have an opening ceremony for activating the Water Dragon energy?”

Master: ‘You means since the natural landforms are there, all I need are to get him to open a Main door at the back and make some simple changes at the back of his house.’

Grasshopper: ‘Yes Master, won’t this saves a lot of works and makes this 500 taels of silver much easier to earn’

Master: ‘Sure Boy, but do you think Old Chen would be happy and impressed if I give him this simple advice without any impressive hula bula with it after paying me 500 taels of silver. Further, those idle fawning scholars would as usual be busybody and would come by to give their learned opinions to Old Chen.’

Grasshopper: ‘Ah Master, I remember Old Chen’s wife had come by to see you before and was very secretive about it’

Master: ‘Yes, my boy, she was very generous and bought a jar of my favourite wine. She was very concerned about her family dwindling fortunes and her future. I guess with all this feng shui stuffs and a broken leg, Old Chen would be too preoccupied the next few months to carry on wasting the family fortunes on whoring and other so called gentleman’s pastimes.

Grasshopper thinking to himself: 'Well, I hope this time Master won't dump me alone here while he goes sightseeing in Jiang Nan'

Master: ‘All-right, I am very pleased about the whole matter as Old Chen's wife have promised another 200 silver taels as a bonus, Grasshopper. I guess this coming trip; I would have to bring you out to see the real world and understand the Human Heart more so that you can progress more.’

Grasshopper: ‘Hurray, I am finally going out to see the World’ (I sure hate this name; don’t know why Master gives me such an awful name instead of something nice like The Aloof Dragon)

Till-then, cheers.